is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
