Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my being single is dangerous.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
