you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
