Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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