fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
