im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
