Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
