we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
