yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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