I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
