can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
