so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
