i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
