Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
