Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize