Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
