Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
