There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
