I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
