i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
