i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
