Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize