Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
