Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
