I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
