You're completely useless in the revolution.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
