It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
