I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
