i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
