Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
