I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
not ubering you a puppy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize