So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
