He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
