Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
