The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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