need another drink. this is the easiest way
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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