America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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