It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
