You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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