He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
