I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
