im gay
i know
yea but for you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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