you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Fuck appropriateness.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
