Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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