the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
