why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
