ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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