Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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