So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
