Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
