genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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