i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
