My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
