Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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