Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
