just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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