It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
