I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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