drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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