Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
