He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
