I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
