I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
