Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
