It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
