if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize