that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
