Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
