My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
