you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize