I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
