when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I need a burrito and a hug.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
