It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
