I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
