i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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