I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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